Trials and Tribulations of Being Decimo
by ravenromance27
Summary: In the Vongola household-more specifically in the Tenth Vongola household there are certain things that are absolutely sacrosanct. These matters are never out rightly discussed and never ever really verbalized unless one is a complete novice and needs a crash course or one is in a desperate situation that in a direct result of inadvertently breaking such inviolable rules.
1. Some things are Sacred

AN: K*H*R belongs to the ever-gifted Amano Akira and no amount of supplication to the gods would, could or should change that fact.

* * *

**_I. Some Things are Sacred._**

_In the Vongola Decimo's house there is one room kept under a specialized lock and key. It is placed in the most easily accessible location in the lowest floor of the expansive mansion and could be reached from any direction from all the wings. This room has an access pad and a security code that is only known to a handful of people. Any non-authorized personnel who find themselves in need of the room would have to secure a passcode and a one-time keycard from the House Manager, the Decimo's Right-hand Man or the Decimo himself._

_The room is akin to a small storage unit. Inside this chamber are two separate sections. One is a climate controlled box where as close to 1000lbs. of premium grade Robusta, Jamaica and Arabica coffee beans are kept at prime conditions at all times. Adjacent to this is a stack of boxes piled one of top of the other reaching all the way to the ceiling. Half of the boxes is clearly marked by the manufacturer and contain only one specific product—a top of the line, no assembly required, fully automated espresso machine. The remaining column of boxes contain an array of French presses, miniature coffee pots and electric pots._

_When someone truly brave, curious or new ventures to ask why such a room exists—those in the know would only say that it's the mansion's fail-safe and that it is necessary for the wellbeing of everyone in the vicinity._

* * *

Reborn has no weakness. No flaws, no openings for enemies to exploit or others to use against him. He is a well-honed, seasoned, highly skilled professional that never allowed himself to lose his self-possession in the face of any challenge or hardship. It has been the topic of constant speculation in certain circles whether the famed Hitman and one-time Arcobaleno even possessed any discernible weakness.

In a fair fight he will always win hands down. In an unfair fight he will most certainly win and then if you're the fool that tried to betray, cheat or play him for a fool, you'd be lucky to keep your hands if you're quick enough to ensure that your head is already acquainted with the floor intimately. His reputation is as s solid as gold and his record set in unforgiving, unyielding stone.

But he is still human and therefore still subject to his body's whims and fancies.

It has been the unfortunate circumstance of the now defunct Testarossa _Famiglia_ that they decided to send assassins on a particular morning when Tsuna and the rest of his _famiglia_ were just about to sit down for the first meal of the day. With his mother planning a tour of the local vineyards in search for suitable wines for their upcoming party, the famiglia decided to start earlier than they normally would have. It would be the assassins' ill-fated choice to storm the mansion through the kitchen, spraying everyone in a hail of bullets and thereby destroying most of the delicious repast that their kitchen staff had labored hours before to prepare, including a truly decadent trifle that Decimo specifically requested in behalf of his beloved Tutor.

It is also this unfortunate family's luck that Reborn had just returned from a particularly aggravating meeting with an irate allied family that was insisting that Vongola's pay remuneration for the damages they had accrued during a brawl instigated by another rival_ famiglia_—a meeting that had lasted all night, well unto the early hours of the morning and the famed hitman had barely stepped into the mansions dining room, sat on his usual spot and lifted a cup of his favorite brew to his lips when the sound of breaking china echoed all around. Shrapnel flew out of the kitchen and unfortunately hit the delicate bone china that the hitman just happened to be holding.

Had they chosen any other day except that one, they would have probably been spared the utter destruction that descended on their they chosen any other route except the kitchen, they might have survived long enough to beg forgiveness and retained what little they could have salvaged from the debacle. Had they not squished and riddled the delicate dessert with gunpowder and empty shell casings they might have been left with their dignity in tact and their leaders free from the horrors that would descend upon them like the wrath of the Gods.

Unfortunately the sight of the destroyed dessert caused Reborn to take leave of his senses for all of two minutes. That was all it took for him to single handedly incapacitate, beat up and tie up the entire 50-man squadron of assassins set out to get the _famiglia_. But it was the sight of the spilled brew and the bullet ridden espresso machine that finally tipped the scale and Reborn went on the war path. It took the Vongola underlings five minutes to get a truck out into the front yard and haul all the bodies into the truck's hold. It took him 15 minutes to find the rival _Famiglia'_s stronghold, beat up the rest of its remaining members, toss the mangled, beaten bloody bodies from the failed assassination off the truck and destroy their headquarters. He then proceeded to get a signed confession of the attack and a bankdraft from the Boss of the Testarossa and return home. It took the Vongola workmen and artisans two months to repair the human shaped holes in the four adjacent walls that lead from the kitchen into the dining room.

When the rest of the allied famiglias saw the extent of the damage and heard what occurred with the Testarossa Famiglia, they had to ask what made the seasoned hitman snap. To this, Tsuna simply replied that the assassins came before reborn could have his morning shot of caffeine and that the lack made him a trifle cranky. He assured them that everything was fine and that he understands Reborn's actions since he has learned long ago how temperamental his tutor was without caffeine. He then proceeded to continue discussing the plans to reinforce the structure of the mansion in case such a situation ever arise again.

The next day, every famiglia that claimed allegiance with the Vongola sent them deliveries after deliveries of exquisite antique bone china, espresso machines, French presses and a year's supply of the finest coffee beans money could buy.

They also learned never to call on the Vongola mansion during any foreseeable time frame when caffeine has yet to be served.


	2. The Boss Likes Strays

_**II. The Boss and His Strays**_

Sawada Tsunayoshi, Vongola Decimo, successor of a 400-year old Mafia Famiglia , one time student known to all as 'Dame Tsuna' appears like a hapless clueless teenager most of the time. His gravity-defying hairstyle, soft-spoken nature and guileless chocolate eyes seemed more suited to someone who worked in a low level corporation than an organized crime family. Coupled with the fact that the guardians he has chosen are no older than him and his unusual penchant for collecting strays, his ascension into the Tenth Boss made every jaded, cynical member of the mafia think that the Vongola finally snapped and chose a dud for its current heir. They declared that the Decimo was a little soft in the head and that no good will ever come out of his charity. That is until they learn first-hand just how deadly his **_stray_ **choices could be.

* * *

**Medical Emergency**

Dr. Shamal once overheard a midlevel _famiglia_ boss remark absently that the Decimo looked too feminine and should be some other bosses mistress rather than an actual head of a _famiglia_. The man spent the next two years in and out of various hospitals trying to find cures for diseases that seemed to afflict him. He would discover a new disease popping up every time he managed to cure one sickness after the other rendering him a paranoid germaphobe and complete hypochondriac for the rest of his life. When he finally recovered from the attack of random illnesses, it was to his ever lasting horror and shame that he had developed a pair of breasts that no one could explain and had to have them surgically removed before he could show himself in public.

* * *

**Party Favors**

A disgruntled group of young mafioso from rich, established_ famiglias_ tried inciting a riot during one of the simple get-together of an allied family that the Decimo and his guardians were expected to attend, hoping to embarrass the host and ferment a dissent between the alliance. They bragged that they would be better suited to the post of Decimo than some sissy looking scrawny kid that they would've used for target practice. It was to their eternal misfortune that Lancia happened to attend the same event in the hopes of meeting up with Decimo and express his gratitude for the young Head's intervention on his behalf with the Vendice. When he heard their boasts and the young mafioso's scheme to cause a scene when Decimo arrives, well, who could blame Lancia if he chose to show his gratitude by hanging the young upstarts from the tree in the central courtyard like so much blindfolded, naked piñata? It certainly provided the affair that inimitable cachet that's so hard to come by. Everyone was certainly looking forward to the next annual famiglia get together.

* * *

**Charity Funds**

A crafty, greedy businessman tried using delaying tactics to draw out signing a contract for a facility that Decimo needed for one of his outreach programs and thereby scam the Vongola out of more money than they normally would've paid, Bianchi walked through the doors of his private suite and proceeded to bury him in a pillar of slow-acting poisoned spaghetti that tightened into barbed coils the tiniest shift in his body. She then informed him that for his actions, his company would be paying for the building of the facility and that the bulk of his fortune would be confiscated to finance the running of the facility he so ingeniously tried to rob. He could also expect the Vongola auditor to come and go through his books to see if there were other secrets he was all too willing to hide. When the man tried to file for bankruptcy in hopes of escaping further punishment, he was informed that he isn't eligible since the Vongola would continue to employ him-for free.

* * *

**Pins and Needles**

A ragtag bunch of young underling-trainees in the midst of a training exercise made a reckless comment that the Vongola Decimo seemed to be entirely too much of a pushover with children that he must've been a nanny in another life. It was rather unfortunate for the bunch that made such an observation that their trainer for the day happened to be a young martial artist who, upon hearing their unfortunate choice of word proceeded to beat them within an inch of their lives by making them go through all the known strengthening exercises of every arcane Chinese kung fu she could think of and then used them to demonstrate all the known and unknown ill-effects of a well-placed needle according to Chinese acupuncture. By the end of the week they were begging their sponsors and their own family to disown them so that they could stop being used as human pincushions.

* * *

**Dinner is Served**

A bunch of rowdy Yakuza affiliated with a smaller _famiglia_ that had ties with the Vongola, having dinner in a local sushi restaurant one night made mention in passing that the reason Decimo had stayed in Italy rather than build a headquarters in Japan was because he couldn't cut it with the local Yakuza clan. That same Yakuza group received a visit that night from the local sushi chef that served them their dinner. The man, having destroyed their base and beaten up more than half their members then proceeded to show them his knives, reminding them that he was a man that could easily fillet a 140-pound tuna into slivers and that he would be more than happy to offer to do to them the same service if they ever say the same thing about the Vongola Decimo again.

* * *

**Greed vs. Zombies**

An ambitious local politico threatened to have the Vongola Famiglia, especially the current Decimo, imprisoned and audited to show that their impressive wealth actually belongs to the government and should by rights, be then confiscated and turned over to the local officials. The same politician, who had actually gone on air to broadcast his stand on the subject then received a gift in the mail within a week; a small bejeweled case no bigger than a ring box with a card telling him to simply open the box to attain the means to get rid of the Vongola. The man did as he was instructed and spent more than a good two months floating in an inter-dimensional limbo filled with visions of space monsters and blood sucking plants created by Irie Shoichi. When he came back, he immediately filed his resignation and moved to the inner city where he lived in a concrete townhouse that didn't house a single plant in sight.

* * *

**Nightly Visits**

A group of vigilantes once took it upon themselves to target Decimo and hoped to oust him off his position in order to gain control of the immense hold filled with the impressive cache of weaponry at the Vongola's disposal. When this particular plot happened to be intercepted by Giannini and Spanner, their leaders found themselves having to deal with the nightly visits of courtesy of a King Mosca that destroyed their bases no matter where they tried to run and no matter how many times they rebuilt. They thought that surrendering would end the relentless hunt that the King Mosca subjected them to but to their utter horror they found out that they had to content with something worse than the King Mosca-a mini-mosca that force-fed them natto flavored, wrench-shaped lollipops every time they tried to open their mouths to cry for help.

* * *

**Accounts Receivable**

And when the Varia themselves failed to file the correct paperwork, tax returns, payroll, cash vouchers and requisition forms that documented the total cost of repairs and damages incurred by their missions and complained loudly that they had better things to do than comply to the requests of the bastard baby boss they learned the hard way that there was someone even scarier than their boss when he is in high-bastard mode-The Vongola Auditor Miura Haru. Bel, in his mistaken desire to drive the fear of God (and royalty) into the heart if the imperious Auditor arrogantly stalked into the auditor's office, carelessly waving around one of his knives and tried to persuade the young woman that sat behind the large partner's desk that they were busy and that if they received one more official summon regarding something as pathetic paperwork he would find the Baby Bastard Boss himself and cut him into cold-cut thin slivers. Haru didnt even bother looking up from the stack of receipts in front of her, instead she promptly cocked her custom-made Glock 9 with her left hand and emptied her gun near his feet while her right continued drumming the calculator.


	3. Tsuna is a Weapon of Mass Destruction

**Authors Note:** Here's a big thank you for those that came and reviewed this story when i first posted it. I apologize for the fact that i had to repost it and thereby lose your precious reviews. *bows* Minna-san, **_hontou ni sumimasen_**. So please enjoy this special chapter for you guys.

* * *

**TSUNA IS A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION**

**BYAKURAN during one of his random visits to the mansion…**

"You cheated, Tsunayoshi-kun." Byakuran muttered as he stared at the young Decimo who was sitting across from him, doing his paperwork.

The man in question simply looked up and blinked at him in puzzlement, his voice soft, gently inquisitive, "Cheated?"

"Yes. When we first met. Someone from the Millefiore should've asked you if you had the permit to carry such a weapon." He pouted some more and Tsuna was left even more baffled. He looked down at the papers in his hand and then right back up to the white haired man currently sucking on his marshmallows like a little boy with a tantrum.

"Weapon?"

"Yes. Two of them. Same color. Fringed. Glows annoyingly at times."

* * *

**BIANCHI during one of their mission briefings…**

"No wonder Hayato never says no to you."she sulked, a small frown forming on her lips.

"Huh?"

"Someone should make you wear these goggles instead."

"What?"

"Have you insured those yet? I don't think we have enough coverage yet. They're certainly more effective than any paralyzing poison I've come up with."

Tsuna rubbed a hand across his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath and fixed her with his usual lambent gaze, brows furrowed in concern. "Bianchi, I don't understand what you're talking about."

"Stop flashing those things at me! I guess you used those to seduce my beloved Reborn as well!"

"What?! Bianchi…?"

"Oh, alright." She stumped her foot and grabbed the nearest sheaf of papers. "I'll take the mission. Next time don't look up when you give me a mission so I can say no."

* * *

**FUUTA during a consultation for an upcoming charity fund-raiser…**

"We can't do a pageant. And I refuse to endorse a bachelor auction." Fuuta closed the briefcase containing his ranking book firmly and started to stand up.

"Hey wait up there. Settle down and talk to us about this." Trident Shamal forced Fuuta back into his seat and tried to figure out the ranking prince's obvious hesitation. There had been many such events before and Fuuta always gave his input and support. This was certainly a first for all of them.

Haru stared at the young man and asked baldly, confusion written on her expressive face.

"Why is that Fuuta-chan? We can raise a lot of money and there are a lot of handsome men in our allied famiglias…there's Gokudera, Yamamoto, Dino, Hibari might be eligible but he'd never agree…and of course, there's Tsuna-san."

Fuuta shook his head emphatically. "No of course. And I would agree that they are all excellent candidates. They are all ranked in the top 25 Mafioso that women find attractive. I'm sure they would all be suitable for the auction. However, not Tsuna-nii."

"Fuuta-chan! Tsuna-san is incredibly handsome and Haru would bid on him herself!"

Shamal chuckled at the woman's flushed cheeks and tried to reason with the young man before trouble began in the 'Haru' corner. He turned to Fuuta once again."Haru-chan is absolutely right. Decimo is really good looking, little man. Don't you think so?"

"That's not it! I know Tsuna-nii is really handsome but according to the ranking planet, a bachelor auction that has Tsuna-nii in it is ranked no. 2 out of 14, 803 reasons worth_y_ of staging a full scale turf war within the allied famiglias. That's why I can't endorse the idea."

Shamal gave a low whistle. "No 2? Wow...That's really high…hey, wait. What's the number one?"

"I can't tell you."

Haru grabbed Fuuta's scarf and demanded an answer, "Just spill it out Fuuta-chan!"

"Just oblige the little lady, will you? What's the number one reason our allies might stage a blood bath?

Fuuta sighed but he reached out and opened his briefcase. He hauled out the book and turned it to the right page. With a blush, his fingers running up the page until he reached the entry, he cleared his throat and promptly read aloud the number one entry.

"Stealing a kiss from Vongola Decimo."

* * *

**LAMBO AND GOKUDERA during a recent dinner with other Dons…**

"Tsuna-nii…I think we should reserve a bigger table. This one isn't suitable for a party of ten."

"Hm? Why?"

Tsuna shifted once more as he felt yet another knee brush against his. A moment later, a random hand pressed briefly against his elbow. He shifted a bit closer to his guardians and wondered if they were right or he was just being paranoid when he felt fingers brushing against his wrist for the tenth time.

"I suppose it is a trifle small…perhaps we should change tables."

"Thank you Tsuna-ni. I think we really should since Gokudera-shi 's ears are already smoking."

"Hayato? Is there a problem?"

"No Juudaime. No problem. Not yet. Or at least I hope there won't be any." Gokudera took another drag of his cigarette before tossing away the used butt and lighting up another.

"Is there a reason why you're running through those cigarettes like they're about to go out of fashion?"

"Just a trifle worried Juudaime."

"Worried? Any reason for you to be worried?"

"None at all, Juudaime."

"If you say so."

"He's just worried Tsuna-nii."

"Why? We're surrounded by guards and civilians. No one here would attack as or provoke an attack with so many of us here."

"They've already started provoking Gokudera-shi."

Tsuna blinked. "How?"

"They kept touching you. He says that if someone does that one more time after a bigger table is brought, he'd bomb their hands off."

Tsuna gave a soft chuckle and shook his head. "I see. Lambo, go and make sure that they prepare us a table big enough to accommodate forty. Tell them I need dishes spread out from one end to the other. And to see to it that the don's seats are well spaced from each other.

Lambo nodded. "Yes, Tsuna-nii."

"Will this satisfy you now Hayato?"

"Yes, Juudaime. Thank you. And Lambo, one other thing."

"Yes, Gokudera-shi?"

"Call the other Guardians over, will you?"

"Hayato that's not necessary—"

"What should I tell them?"

Gokudera gave an unholy grin. "Tell them Juudaime wants them to join us for lunch and explain to them that his current lunch dates are a little too touchy."

* * *

**DINO during negotiations with an arguing allied famiglia…**

"_**Per l'amor di dio" **_ Dino muttered under his breath.

_Tsuna was smiling kindly at an old, wizened Don._

Yamamoto stared at the Cavallone Don and raised an inquiring brow.

"Pardon?"

"We shouldn't have bothered to bring such a large contingency with us."

Yamamoto flashed his trademark easy grin and only nodded towards this boss. "Security for Tsuna is necessary. Gokudera would have a nervous breakdown otherwise. He said he'll be a bit late but he would get here and demanded that I bring as man subordinates as could be spared. He gets a little antsy when he's not here to personally supervise things."

"I never realized the Storm Guardian was suffering from anxiety."

"Oh no, Gokudera doesn't have that. He has OCD but Tsuna thinks its cute."

"Of course he would."

_Tsuna turned to look at another young boss, no more than a few years older than himself and gave the man a small shy smile. A becoming shade of pink blooming on his pale chiseled cheeks at what the other man is saying. The man in question was staring at the Vongola don's face with rapt attention._

"Are you worried that this might not work so well for Tsuna?"

Dino gave an amused smirk and looked at the feuding dons who until recently refused to even be on the same town, let alone the same building. Certainly they aired out opinions to the effect that they wouldn't be caught dead sitting across from one another.

_I wonder how they're managing that now. Especially since all they've done, after Tsuna spoke about a possible reconciliation, was to smile at the Vongola Decimo and promise that they would sign anything he wants them to._

With a shrug and a smile, he ordered a drink for himself, remembered to offer one to Yamamoto despite knowing it would be declined and decided to simply enjoy the coming show. He smiled at Yamamoto when the Rain Guardian's eyes followed Tsuna's every little move. Dino noticed the minute sharpening of Yamamoto's gaze when the two Dons simultaneously pulled their chairs a few inches closer to where Decimo sat.

"Hey, Dino-san, do you think-!"

"You know what, Rain, on the other hand, maybe you should go right on ahead and tell your Storm to hurry it up. I don't think we have enough manpower to handle two love-struck dons."

* * *

**HIBARI during the annual Vongola meeting…**

"You, extremely loud herbivore…tell your boss to stop smiling."

Ryouhei, standing with the irascible Cloud, looked at the man and asked, "Why should I do that to the extreme? Sawada has a reason to smile. Everyone is here and present to the extreme!"

"That smile should come with a warning label. Maybe someone could write it up so you wouldn't have to keep explaining it to the stupid ones who would later break the rules."

"Warning label? I don't understand in the extreme!"

"You wouldn't. Just tell the Omnivore to stop smiling. Constant exposure to his smiles lead to chronic addiction and unerring stupidity. Just look at the faces of those mindless herbivores around him. They would need years of rehabilitation after this meeting. It's going to be annoying and I don't have the patience to bite them all to death."

* * *

**REBORN during a negotiation with a rival boss…**

"_Don't start."_

"Start what? I'm not doing anything Reborn."

"And that's problematic enough. Keep your hands to yourself and don't smile more that you have to. Just look them in the eye and say what you came here for."

"Reborn, we are negotiating an alliance. I know what to do. You've taught me well enough. Don't tell me you're nervous."

The hitman simply titled his fedora, adjusted his suit a bit more on his now fully restored lanky frame and checked his guns. Leon hanging from his perch on Reborn's head blinked at them both. "I'm careful. Learn the difference Dame-Tsuna. As great as I am I only have two hands. I can't kill an army that quickly."

"Why would you have reason to in the first place?" he asked exasperatedly, confused as ever with Reborn's own convoluted logic.

"If you keep smiling at that man we won't have **_just_** have an alliance. You'd have another stalker suitor Gokudera would have to bomb to nowhere, Yamamoto would have another practice dummy, Mukuro would have a field day and Hibari would go through the trouble of biting to death a new chew toy. I can't keep cleaning up the bodies you insist on adding to the pile. So do everyone a favor and stop smiling like you want the man to marry you because we're running out of places to hide the damned bodies."


	4. The Good, The Bad and That's Just Wrong

**AUTHORS NOTE: "Thank You" **must be an understatement. Because it is certainly not enough to encompass my gratitude,but alas, no other word comes to mind. Please enjoy the humble offering of a clearly demented mind.

* * *

******The Good, The Bad and That's Just Plain Wrong…**

* * *

When Sawada Tsunayoshi assumed the mantle of responsibility for the centuries-old Mafia Famiglia that was his inheritance and destiny, he felt that he had a solid understanding of what was to come and he understood well enough to expect some things to be learned as he went along the duties expected of someone in his position. He trusted that with his guardians and Reborn by his side, he felt he could deal with whatever fate decided to throw him. He found out many years later that there are a few things he later considered to be of absolutely no connection to the work description Reborn gave him.

* * *

**_The Good_**

With the enormous wealth and influence of the Vongola Famiglia, Tsuna managed to maintain the idyllic nature of their hometown. His one indulgence earning him a boon from his mercurial Cloud that the other felt he could never fully repay. It was this protection-this largesse, created by Decimo that allowed Namimori to remain the way it has always been during their formative years there. It became a place where people who wanted a peaceful and utterly safe (they have no idea how utterly and completely and he seriously doubts they'd want to either) environment for their children to grow. It also became a convenient place for his guardians to go back to, recharge and be normal for a change.

Some allied famiglias also began sending their young children to stay in Namimori because they were certain of one thing—if any one comes to attack their children while in Namimori, they needn't worry about retaliation or finding out who are the culprits—the Vongola's Cloud Guardian would be there to bite back the guilty party to death. Of course they would then be charged with the hefty fees regarding repairs but for some reason Tsuna couldn't quite figure out, they were all too willing and happy to do it.

He also managed to set-up a foundation that would in essence take charge of the children of fallen Mafioso. It did not matter which famiglia they belong to, if they required any assistance, the Sanctuary would provide it. Under the direct care of the woman who raised Decimo, the Sanctuary fed, clothed, housed and educated the children that came under their patronage. They would also be under no obligation to serve and stay in their world if they so choose.

Tsuna was determined that there would be no more children who would grow up to be used up and discarded by the dark nature of their world. He vowed never to allow another child to be subjected to the horrors that some of his guardians knew all too well. Now, if only his Mother would understand the concept of some semblance of economy it would help his annual budget. It might also help if his mother would stop feeding every one that came through the front door. Even the ones sent to kidnap her or deliver him bad news.

Ambitious police officials and corrupt politicians who wanted the prestige of arresting such an infamous Mafioso found themselves in untenable positions. Infiltrating their ranks and exposing their shortcomings and corruption became Haru's and Kyoko's pet project. It becomes as especially delicate operation especially since they insist on having no bodyguards with them except for I-pin. Reborn told him his newest nickname should be "**Charlie**".

* * *

_**THE BAD**_

Hospitals are common enough places for someone who deals with danger and violence. It pays to get used to the sight, sound and procedures' of hospitals since most of his guardians seem to land in some medical crisis or another on a weekly basis. He knows things are getting serious when Namimori Middle School called him up one morning and told him that due to his adopted wards, I-pin and Lambo, the school is reserving one of their rooms as a permanent medical unit for the 'strange men and random students that suffer from broken limbs or peculiar burns'. He immediately promised them fair compensation for the inconvenience. Tsuna was thankful that he already owns a fair share of stock in some prime health and pharmaceutical companies. Otherwise between his guardians and his wards, the Varia and himself, they would be the first ever Mafioso's to be denied health insurance coverage.

Rival Famiglias that threatened to oust him was a daily occurrence. Reborn told him the only way to deal with it is to acknowledge the fact and then ignore it. Death threats arrived by the hundreds during his first year. By the second year of his term only his Cloud and Mist guardians bothered to threaten him. He decided to follow Reborn's advice—and got bitten to death for it.

Assassins hoping to make a name for themselves by killing him was par for the course of the day and provided ample practice for Lambo, fresh subjects for Mukuro, sparring partners for Ryouhei and exercise for Kyouya. It also added a fresh stack of bills that informed him of the cost for repairing the mansion to the already impressive pile covering his desk.

A killer schedule. He was disillusioned early on when he took the mantle of the Vongola Decimo. He certainly had to fight. Boredom and Paperwork that kept on increasing on a daily basis on his desk became enemies no. 1 and 2. There were days he had to fight the urge to find someone to kill him just so that he could get out of the office more.

Dealing with his guardians' demands from refereeing shouting matches between Gokudera and Lambo, to stopping mini-tournaments that Ryouhei and Yamamoto insisted on having with the Vongola subordinates, to the paying for damages piled on by an accidental meeting between Mukuro and Kyouya became a walk in the park. Seeing the total cost of what he spent repairing the mansion during his first year's term gave him insomnia and acid indigestion. Having to actually write the check made him faint.

* * *

_**JUST PLAIN WRONG…**_

Bad things are bound to happen to anyone and with Reborn for a tutor and a malfunctioning ten-year bazooka to accompany his growing up years, very few things could make him worry or hesitant. Holding on to a glaring five year old Hibari Kyouya whose first words were 'bite' and 'death' while clutching miniature tonfas made him rethink that particular mindset.

The Varia. They are known for being loud, violence and just a few inches of nodding distance to being clinically insane. They are an experience onto itself. And once you've experienced them, there was simply no going back. So when Tsuna walked in one afternoon for a meeting scheduled early on in the week and saw Lussuria cutting Bel's hair with his knives, Fran rolling strands of Levi's hair on curlers and Xanxux braiding Squalo's hair all while watching 'Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion' he took a deep breath and simply asked why they didn't ask him to bring snacks.

No one should ever be subjected to the sight of the oft dignified and cool-as-cucumber leader of the Vongola CEDEF bawling like a toddler with a tantrum. And yet Tsuna sees it every year on father's day whenever he would give Reborn a gift. His father would stomp his feet, pout and then throw himself at him, soaking him in tears and snot and blubbering that it's not fair that Reborn gets to be given a Father's Day present first.

Turf wars he could handle. Reborn told him that he would have to learn to defend what was his and the Famiglias. He would have to be strong and he would have to be decisive. But even Reborn couldn't find a reason to blame him for not knowing how to react when every rival famiglia's boss insisted that the price for ceasing the attacks on the Vongola holdings be a date with the Vongola Decimo. Especially when majority of those that proposed the idea are unmarried men that had no daughter, sisters or even nieces to present.


	5. Mafia Men Are Tough

Authors Note: Random Fluffiness. No idea why I even wrote it. I need to free some space in my head. Please be considerate. Dedicated to those that read my stories and found enjoyment in my questionable sense of humor. Thank you for your kindness, inspiration and support.

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**MAFIA MEN ARE TOUGH**

"_**I'm steel-toed boots in a ballet-slipper world."**_

― Richard Kadrey,_ Sandman Slim_

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**WISE GUY**

Hitmen are known for being tough. Mafia hitmen are amongst the toughest, roughest and most accomplished men in the world. A Mafia hit man with a reputation like his laugh in the face of danger and considers adrenaline their drug du jour. Trident Shamal is really tough, hardy and boasts of his immunity to the fear of any disease or malady. He is a mafia hit man. A wise guy. A seasoned Mafioso. He is the very definition of fearless.

So if he never ever went to the dentist's office alone, it's only because an experienced hit man is always aware of the benefits of being careful. Having someone watch your back is, of course, standard procedure for someone in his particular line of work.

If he never even bothered looking at the equipment placed next to him on the sterile tray it's because he's already in the medical profession and wasn't the least bit curious about another specialists' tools of the trade. When you've seen a scalpel once, you've seen them all.

And when he tells the dental assistant that he prefers to be subjected to being gassed than being conscious during his cleaning it was because it was more efficient that way.

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**ASSASSIN**

Superbi Squalo is a seasoned killer. He is a full-blooded Mafioso. Even more so, he isn't some two-bit wise guy occupying the lowest rung in their convoluted hierarchy. He is _**Varia**_. He is more than fearless. He spits in the face of fear and kicks it to the curve. He stares at Death in the eye and then pokes it with an index finger.

Fear doesn't command him. He commands fear like a circus trained monkey. It is he who strikes dread into the hearts of men. The sword emperor is fearless, rabid, vindictive, temperamental and LOUD. He could instill instantaneous terror or rancorous respect and subservience with one swing of his sword or his torrential, ever flowing (extremely and incredibly loud) barrage of verbal vitriol. Of course, he could also give them the glare of death and his signature "VOIII!" greeting. He doesn't just live with fear; he turns it into his play thing.

So when the bastard baby boss Sawada walked in and saw him cowering in a corner, it wasn't in fear—it was self-preservation. A good assassin always looks for the most strategic location in any place, mapping out exits being an extremely favorable side effect to such vigilance.

When Sawada noted his unusual silence and started to open his mouth to speak—resorting to frantic waving and signals for him to be quiet was not because he was afraid of being discovered, it was because silence, at times can be very effective in terms of undermining the enemy. Covering the bastard baby boss' mouth is just as effective and efficient in reducing any ensuing noise from escaping and gaining unfavorable attention.

And so when the bastard baby boss, curios idiot cat that he was, crouched close and saw the tears pooling in his eyes at the sight of his flamboyant, garishly attired, horrendously cheerful teammate—it wasn't because he spent the better part of the day hoping that Lussuria wouldn't find him—it was because he hates being made vulnerable and getting caught in an awkward position.

It had nothing to do with the object Lussuria was waving around –that heartless item that amounted to medieval torture device for poor unsuspecting team mates. That fiendish trident of torture used for untangling the snarls in his hair that Lussuria insisted on using on him every single day and the bright, colorful and sparkly scrunchies that goes with it.

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**GUARDIANS.**

He is Vongola. He is the Storm Guardian. He is a fearless mafioso and right-hand man to the most powerful boss in the underworld. Gokudera Hayato fears very little in his world. He lights fuses on explosives with a cigarette sticking out from his lips. He detonates massive amounts of gunpowder in close proximity with cool calculation. He was methodical, precise and strategic when employing his favored weapon. He also pops in ten different vitamin tablets every morning without fail along with a glass of orange juice.

It wasn't because he's some kind of health nut. **_Far from it_**. According to everyone around him he could be a menace not just to enemies but mostly to himself. He doesn't take the vitamins because of the misguided notion that it would make him live forever. Having lived through two alternate existences is enough to make you appreciate a one-time ticket through the fate-wringer. He does it because he loathes getting even the slightest bit ill. Slice him, dice him, throw him, punch, kick him and stab him, shoot him and load him as cannon fodder and he'll bounce back quicker than you can memorize the periodic table. Sickness in any shape or form is like being banished to the farthest level of hell.

It wasn't simply because when he had succumbed to chicken pox as a child he learned all too well that it was a really, really, REALLY bad idea to get sick. It wasn't because of the needles poking him or the tedious endless laboratory tests. It wasn't the noxious medicinal concoctions or even the imposed immobility that got to him. It wasn't even the annoying reminders, insults and lamentations that Shamal heaped on his head and his constant haranguing that he isn't "female" enough for him to treat even if he looked it. It was because the sight that greeted him the most often when he was sick was that of his older, sickeningly mothering, poison-producing, assassin of a sister carrying a tray into his room and promising to feed him her special chicken soup until he gets better.


End file.
